Red

red

email: red@slacker.com
twitter: @redonslacker



I have an overactive imagination, a knack for awkwardness and I really think Kristen Wiig might be using me as the inspiration for some of her movie characters. Ps - I love music so much I would marry it.

Beyonce: The New Mother Of Dragons.

game-of-thrones-dragon-eggs-051215

 

Source: Celebuzz

 

I want to believe that Jay Z did buy Beyonce a dragon egg as any good Game Of Thrones fan would but with baby dragons comes great responsibility…they are not accessories.

Can we agree now that Paris Hilton/Justin Bieber won’t be allowed the same luxury??  The last thing animal shelters need is rejected baby dragons…although it might take care of the overpopulation of rejected guinea pigs :/

How Stoked Is Brian Dunkleman Right Now?

american idol

Source: Imgur

Initially when I heard American Idol was cancelled, I felt like one of the people in this meme!

After 15 years, Dunkleman was finally vindicated.

Then the fear of what it will be replaced with sank in…Sometimes the devil you know is better than the one you don’t.

“Please be kittens, please be kittens, please be kittens.”

 

 

 

Moving Forward, Let’s Rap All Of Our Restaurant Orders.

Meet Hi-Rez. An opportunistic MC/viral star with a penchant for beats and apple pies.

I’m Lovin It.

Ps- Keep your eye on the cashier…you can tell part of him is thinking, “there’s no way he’s gonna pay for all this food.” While the other is like, “I can’t keep up with the order anyway.”

Click here for the story.

 

Dear Adam Levine, It Can Always Be Worse.

I’m sure this experience was very unsettling especially in the seconds after it happened while your brain tried to decipher what was actually thrown at you.

“Not anthrax…not cocaine….POWDERED SUGAR!”

That being said, let me explain the lesson at hand and why you’ve got to let something like this roll off your back…and look, I know it’s easy for me to say and hindsight is 20/20 BUT if you had just laughed, you would have endeared yourself even more to your fans!  You wouldn’t have looked borderline silly, getting all butt-hurt about confectioner’s sugar (it is softer than granulated) AND your ability to keep your cool in the face of sugar might deter another attack from happening.

Just how much worse could it have been? “Excrement” Adam…excrement.

Someone could have thrown human feces in your face…consequently making you beg for a precious sugar bomb.

I still wince every time I think about Tila Tequila at The Gathering Of The Juggalos.  Every. Single. Time.

So chin up, brush yourself off and get back in the game.

The Met Gala Will Make You Appreciate The Luxury Of Sweatpants.

Poor Rihanna.  Initially you see her Met Gala gown and think, “How exquisite!”…then you start thinking about the reality. Schlepping that train around…not to mention 4 train handlers?? NOPE NOPE NOPE.

A lot of people said it looked like the yellow brick road although I thought it looked more like a fancy plane evacuation slide.

exhibit A

Then you come to find out she changed her outfit two more times that night?? Click here to see those outfits….Meanwhile you know she can’t walk anywhere because it’s literally an obstacle course of screaming fans and photographers in your face and she’s got to some how navigate in what looks to be a less than comfortable pair of shoes….Let me go ahead and strike a NOPE!

Ps – Rhi Rhi, next year you are cordially invited to join me on my couch for The F That Gala. It’ll be way more fun. Promise.

Ghost Town: What Makes This A Sexay Video.

  • There’s somethin dramatic about black and white…dramatic = sexay.
  • Adam Lambert doesn’t look like he’s waxing his eyebrows as much and that is sexay.
  • All of the dancers seems exceptionally limber….which is sexay.
  • That bald chick is HOT….and sexay.
  • No one looks good in diamondnets and/or fishnets without underwear except for the girl wearing diamondnets without underwear in this video.

Verdict: SEXAY. 

**And check out Adam’s new album “Original High” on June 16th.

To Do List: Work On Beyonce Covers. Get Record Contract With Beyonce.

All this time we’ve been singing Beyonce songs at Karaoke Caturday Matinee when we should have been perfecting our Beyonce covers on Youtube. Click here and get to know the girls who might bey next in line to the throne.

 

The National Anthem, Jamie Foxx Style.

For those of us who love Jamie Foxx and can’t sing “The Star-Spangled Banner”, we were pretty pleased with his rendition at The MayPac Fight…however for those of us who weren’t, here are some things to consider:

Maybe it sounded better if you were actually there?

Maybe it sounded better watching it live on PPV and not in a crappy video on Monday morning?

Or maybe it would have sounded better if he were singing it as “Wanda”?? Arguably the second-best character in his entire career.  Click here if you never knew or perhaps forgot the awesomeness that is Wanda.

Wanda

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