Red

red

email: red@slacker.com
twitter: @redonslacker



I have an overactive imagination, a knack for awkwardness and I really think Kristen Wiig might be using me as the inspiration for some of her movie characters. Ps - I love music so much I would marry it.

You Know You’re Having A Bad Day When You Accidentally Fly Into A Tiger Enclosure.

Source: RT.com

Dude when that crane gets to work he’s gonna definitely one-up his coworkers with this story.

“So I’m flying along and this huge gust of wind comes right…and I’m like, ‘woah where am I??’ The next thing I know I’m staring at two tigers…damn wind blew me right into the tiger enclosure. WTF. I’M SCREWED. So I figure, what have I got to lose? I spread my wings chasin’ them around yelling, ‘COME AT ME.’ I stare ’em straight in the eye and I start doin’ a couple moves I saw in a Bruce Lee flick and then they think I’m that douche, David Cross from Kung Fu Panda….Whatever. That was the turning point….now I’ve got hand and they’re asking me if I’ll get Angelina Jolie’s autograph?! So I’m like, “Surrrrre. I’ll call her when I get home.” and that’s when the zookeeper came in!! So I yell ‘SO LONG SUCKERS!’ and I got the hell out of there.”

Three Things Mortal Men Cannot Do.

mortals

Source: Imgur

You’ve probably stared at the glory of this photo before.

To see a God like Robert Plant comfortably hold a dove that flew to him during a concert?? because doves only fly to Gods.

He even looks comfortable in very uncomfortable jeans?? Something only a God could do.

But today I noticed something new…His ability to make puffy short sleeves actually look hot.

Makes you wonder if Robert Plant starred in Ghostbusters…Totally different ending.

gozer

Speaking of Mr. Plant, listen for the Led Zeppelin Top 33 starting Monday, June 1st!

 

 

A Good Scare In Less Than 3 Minutes.

I saw this today on Imgur and like any horror movie fan I was intrigued. Unfortunately very few of my friends like to be scared so I’ve been texting “Watch this. Great short movie. Hilarious” all day.

I’m pretty sure I will have less friends thanks to my diabolical prank.

Enjoy and sweet dreams!

mwhahahahaha.

Jesus May Have More In Common With Rappers Than Bill O’Reilly.

Source: RollingStone

Killer Mike of Run The Jewels, sat in with Bill Maher to talk about Bill O’Reilly’s latest claim, Christianity is running out of believers because of Hip Hop music.

Mike should take O’Reilly under his wing and give him a taste of the lifestyle. Get him some ice to wear, a custom grill, maybe take him on a motorcycle ride with a hot honey?? Seriously O’Reilly would love it. It’s the typical “fear what you don’t know” mentality ….He just needs to experience it.*

Next thing you know O’Reilly will be begging to star in a Run The Jewels’ music video!

*Pardon the stereotypical lifestyle suggestions…like anything else, I’m sure the reality is probably much more mundane, but I think you should play it up a little bit. 

 

Janet Jackson Just Announced A World Tour And You Know What That Means.

First thought when I heard Janet is going to embark on a World Tour?

We’ve got some dancin’ to do.

So…

  • Decide which Janet is your fav (ie: Rhythm Nation, Love Will Never Do, Control, Escapade, etc.)
  • Clear the carpet
  • Cue up The Janet Jackson Top 33,
  • Stretch’ out
  • Get down

In that order.

Rihanna Stuns As The New Face Of Dior.

rih 2

Source: People Magazine

Only problem? As much as I want to celebrate this historic campaign, I can’t afford Dior.

Maybe we could all pitch in and buy a pair of $400 sunglasses and then take turns wearing them?

In the meantime, let’s watch this and pretend we actually can.

Jem And The Holograms: “TRULY OUTRAGEOUS” Or “TRUE OUTRAGE”?

Is this a cliche “bad dream” episode?? What did they do to a perfect cartoon?

Did you see any magic?? Did I blink and miss it? and don’t give me some bs line about how “magic is on the inside…” I MEAN REAL MAGIC. Synergy magic! Earring magic! MAGIC MAGIC.

synergy

The suspense of the Jem/Jerrica identitly switcharoo??

Jerrica_benton_jem

The Misfits and their rad van? Which was arguably better than Jem’s rockin’ roadster.

Misfits Van

I tried to have an open mind….but this is unacceptable.  Just go spend a day binge watching old episodes and you’ll see what I mean…and yes Rio always was a lost cause so lets pick our battles.

At a time when dead musicians are being brought back to life via holograms, THIS WOULD BE THE ONE TIME THAT HOLOGRAMS WOULD TOTALLY BE ACCEPTABLE…it could have been a worldwide tour??!

WAY TO GO HOLLYWOOD. YOU RUINED SCOOBY DOO, THEN YOU RUINED THE SMURFS AND NOW YOU’VE RUINED JEM. 

Beyonce: The New Mother Of Dragons.

game-of-thrones-dragon-eggs-051215

 

Source: Celebuzz

 

I want to believe that Jay Z did buy Beyonce a dragon egg as any good Game Of Thrones fan would but with baby dragons comes great responsibility…they are not accessories.

Can we agree now that Paris Hilton/Justin Bieber won’t be allowed the same luxury??  The last thing animal shelters need is rejected baby dragons…although it might take care of the overpopulation of rejected guinea pigs :/

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